Revelation

I have been contacting the spirit of Mary Magdalene lately and it has been extremely enlightening. I love Her Grace and knowing and I feel that all the negative grime from everyday living lifts off my spirit when conversing with Her. She has the most soothing voice, like a gentle hum but with a buzzing depth. I lost a lot of faith in Los Angeles. I lost faith in the entertainment industry, I lost faith in humanity, and most of all I lost faith in myself. I would pray throughout my journeys but I don’t feel like I was grounded enough to actually connect. Throwing myself to the wind and hoping the world would receive me was a great risk, and I took it… even though it terrified me. I learned that perfect dreams are hard to manifest in an imperfect world. If I want a perfect vision to be brought to light, I need to find my perfect circle.

Perfection is an ideal that we all have. Where did it come from? Who sets the standard for perfection? In a competitive economy we shift that ideal according to popular demand. What if perfection was innocence? What if reverence for life rather than exploitation of nature and resources was the means to perfection?

A couple of days ago my friend Joey P told me that it was the first time since I came home to NYC that I looked safe. I really appreciated that sentiment and observation. I am not perfect, but I am definitely feeling closer to the Goddess and Lord who hold such divine standards.

I remember praying to Jesus on my knees by my Precious Moments crucifix when I was 13. I wanted to be a nun when I was younger. It felt right to be one because it felt like a clear path to holiness. I was the outcast in school, and often would get attacked by an African American boy who made fun of the way I walked, the scar on my knee, and how smart I was. I remember getting one vote in my 8th grade class for being the prettiest in the class, and this particular boy yelled “What? Her? Really?” Looking back at it, I know that he could feel how I questioned myself and that was an opening for attack. I know now, we cannot give wicked people an opportunity to manipulate us. We must always be protected.

When I entered College I started to find my niche. I was experimental, brave, empowered, and a bit combative. My emotional wounds were healing and I was highly protective of them. People began to see me for who I was, and I started to realize my connection to Christianity paralleled the story of my suffering in many life times and the resurrection and new life I must create in this life time.

In 2011, I was writing a song called “Woman dressed by the Sun” and I had my first channeling experience. I had channeled the emotions of many beings before, but this story was very clear. It had to do with Mary Magdalene. I remember how deeply I wept when I wrote it. My heart started to open. Shortly after writing the song, I channeled a poem about the history of Mary’s name and the way it had fallen into the hands of wicked people. I had forgotten the connection between the story of Revelations in the Bible and the Woman Dressed by the Sun. However, they were deeply connected to Her message as She moved through me. I am very imperfect, but I am connected to a perfect being. In this, I am called to be a priestess in my music and my message. I am here to offer wisdom and increase the heart space of listeners through my music.

This is the poem I had channeled in 2011, I find it odd that an “Innocent” would disgrace the name of Mary. How ironic... He is not innocent and Mary is not who he coined her to be.


Mary Magdalene
She is the mystery
She is whatever you want her to be
Bitter men cursed her fruit
They called her a sinner and a prostitute
But Fellow sisters followed her
As did love born men
Who attest and confessed
The Kingdom lies within

Peter, the rock, was a chauvinist
who questioned her entrance
Without a male fist
But She never denied Him three times
With the touch of his hand
She'd understand
Oh, weight she'd carry
For the coming of man

The Holy Grail, She fled to  France
Hundreds in Her Wisdom advanced
Priestess and Pilgrim
Who's secrets were burned
Re-written hundreds of years
Away from Fearful
Innocent the Third

We cannot control
The kingdom
As it unveils to believers
The mind control will settle
No lonesome prayer
goes undelivered

A hand will move us
And shake the ground
The waters will feed us
Baptized and crowned
The symbol of a dove
In pentecostal flames
The word was a child
To a Virgin Queen
Who evolved a world
Of love, deplete
When the word died
He left his legacy
A seed to Sarah in silence 

Modern Day Explorer

   This morning I navigated across the Hudson on the Staten Island Ferry. I current the waters on that ship like a modern-day explorer. Except, instead of searching for a piece of mother nature to claim, I search for traces of connectivity within the human race- perhaps a strand of hope in the chaotic and yet fated, interactions of strangers.

 
   Inside the herd of bobbing heads crawling through the ferry gates, I spotted a bench against the cafeteria wall- sandwiched between two groups of business people. Within seconds of situating myself, two African Americans sat beside me. One was a man in his 50s, but seemingly in his early 30s, who carried a loud fuzzy speaker with pop dance music streaming through. His pregnant female crony looked about half his age, and sat bundled in her plush winter coat. Upon sitting down, the duo noticed a man Asian business suit stood up to leave the section.

   “That guy is racist.” The African American man mumbled.

    I looked him dead in the eye inquiring, “Are you sure? Maybe he just doesn’t like the music.”

   “I don’t know, it’s not like I was playing rap. Everyone likes this music,” he retorted.

   “You never know,” my words playfully dancing around his… “some people are plain weird and just don’t care for  music. I personally don’t understand those people, being a musician obsessed with sound, but unfortunately such people exist” and smugly I concluded, “I doubt that guy’s racist.”

   “Well, Okay, maybe he isn’t. But hear me out, here! I was in Western Beef and a woman behind the counter looks at me as if I shouldn’t be there. When I requested an Egg Clair, the woman said ‘we don’t make those.’  I told her last year the other owner used to make them for me. Then, guess what she said!? She said ‘Well, us white people have to stick together,’ and she went and made me one!”

   “Why would she say that? Some people are stupid and make irrelevant hurtful “us vs. them” commentary! The world sucks, my friend. Hey…” then I lowered my voice to a whisper as if telling him a huge dark secret, “being a woman, I used to be super sensitive to sexist commentary. But then I realized how angry I was all the time, you know?” Then a bit louder with passion and a scrunched up nose, “Assuming no one likes me? When in actuality that was wrong!  Moreover, think of this. This is important. Think about the beauty of us all. People don’t realize it, but the Creator is an artist! How boring would it be if there was only one super race? “

   “That’s so true! That’s interesting. I never thought of it like that,” he said with widened eyes and a big genuine smile. 

   His female crony who had just finished the meal she held in her lap interrupted briefly to ask him for his hot dog.

  “Yeah, I’m not going to eat it. You can have it. Ever since you got pregnant, your eating is out of control!”

   As she graciously took the tin foil covered hot dog, we all laughed.

  “I wish you could be a woman and experience being pregnant” she replied.

  “I do already,” he barked,  “Men experience it too by helping ya’ll.”

   I giggled to myself. I really adore the honesty, vulnerability and innocence of perceptions that differ from mine.

   For the rest of the Ferry ride we engaged in long discussions about the pains of being an artist, how important community is, and how wonderfully rude and ironically delightful New Yorkers can be.

Stephanie's Jacket

I knew that when I came back to New York, the coldness of the winter would numb me. I craved numbness as a physicality, to export me from the worries in my head and into a space of longing for my body. With the majority of LA's weather being dry heat, I had no need for armor. Yet, somehow my arms longed for dressing.
I had been as steadfast and vulnerable as possible in California, jumping over hurdles and taking on endless challenges - keeping my head above water was not easy in a new unknown land. California itself has been a sore spot for my family ever since my cousin Stephanie passed away in San Francisco a few years ago. Although I did not know her on the level I desired given the large age gap between us, she was filled with desirable qualities and an intriguing nature. Stephanie was a decade older than me when it happened. She was with her husband and friends heading out on a ski trip. She didn't want to go on that trip. Every little fiber of her being screamed to her not to be there. She didn’t listen to her whim, and when the bus hit their car, she was the only passenger who would pass away. In California I would come to feel that same feeling reverberating in the air; that whisper that said, "leave.” As each situation unfolded in the labyrinth of pretentious faces, rehearsed actors, and hungry con-artists, I felt my heart break a little each day. I knew what my heart wanted to do. It needed to leave. I also needed to listen to my body. I remember how cold it was in California when I left. It wasn't the type of coldness that numbs you. It was the type of coldness that makes you feel unnerved, teasing you with moments of dry heat and then chilling winds. When I first stepped back into my mother's house in Staten Island, I couldn't help but shed some tears. I felt the weight on my shoulders lift, a huge sigh of relief, and an impenetrable feeling of safety. My aunt, who lives nearby, was moving and she was finally ready to pass along some of my cousin's clothing. Amongst many of the articles was a long black peacoat with big shoulder pads and brass buttons. When I put the jacket on I felt a closeness to Stephanie, as if a piece of her heart lay within it. I learned from Stephanie there is no greater compass than the heart, and it's our job to protect it. Being cradled in her coat melted me in the frost-tipped gales. She was such a sweet soul; a sister soul to my own, who unfortunately never made it home.
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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

A Piece of Us

I just finished watching a dramatic three hour long movie called "War and Peace." I enjoyed it thorougly (not only because Audrey Hepburn played a leading role, but...) because it hit home with me. The character of the poor man, shot in the heart for resting admidst the marching tides of falling men, resonated with me most. He said "where there are laws, there is injustice." He optimistically prayed throughout the movie, though his aparent fate fell to a scared soldier of the short but overpowering dictator Napolean. The poor man smiled and praised his murder lovingly, as if his own will called for it. His last words implored the soldier why he was so scared to fire his gun.

I wondered- if I were the one to enforce laws and inspire armies of men to advance in my name, where would I draw the line between war and peace? Napolean had so many choice points to create peace but at each turn he pushed for war, and in the end ... although he usurped Moscow, the scarce population of which he reigned didn't satisfy Napolean.

I know deep in my soul that I am a soldier in many ways. Perhaps it's related to energy I hold from past lifes. Though we fight with loyalty for what we love - family, land, nation, governing prinicipals- When is it a good time to fight to the death? Is it ever?

Historically the way rulers have dealt with standstill controversy is war. I think the dying poor man in the movie died richer than most -knowing no one died by his hand. In many cases on this warring planet, faith in the ideal of absolute love is the only weapon our hearts may need to find peace.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Imitation Artists

So I've been in LA for a little bit over a year now, and I've got a good sense of the scene.
There's so many different types of people. You have your leather jacket rockers with greasy black hair. You have your pumped up surfer DJs, rappers who take selfies and rock G's , model singers who hire songwriters to write for them, ect...

I tried to see where I would stand exactly amongst all of them, & I couldn't fit myself into any one box. There's been many instances where people have wanted me to write with them, and instead of using creative chords and unique progressions, they wanted to stick to the three chord formula. Nothing depresses me more than being forced to use a formula. If I chose to use the formula because I felt that I should... Then my feeling would dictate my use of the formula and I would be okay with that.

I don't feel like Music is feeling based anymore... It's become too logical. I feel that if people would communicate their feelings (a feeling is worth a thousand thoughts), higher communication would still be up and running. There's something pure about not fitting the mold.

They have not grown to know their inner self yet either. But it takes a child to grow up and learn herself/ himself to truly know that they are individual and that they have an individual self to celebrate.

A lot of people wake up and say I'm going to nurture my inner child. There is a whole stream of people who are doing it. I called them the New Agers. These people are extremely cautious about loving themselves. I get it. However, children don't know who they are yet! They just are. This is the beauty of children, they don't have to premeditate, they don't have to plan. When people want to ignite their inner child and allow them to play, they try to remember their aspirations as a child. But is that completely wise?

Most children don't know who they are yet and may wake up and say,  "I want to be so and so on TV." They want to live in the illusion and the glam of what they see,  but their awareness has not developed to see beyond the rose colored glasses.

So with that said, I think there are a lot of men-children and woman-children who don't know who they are yet- running around the streets pretending they are something else.


Whole genres and subcultures create an energy force field around people to feel safe. The symbols that are associated with that energy blow my mind. Perhaps the symbols resonate with some individuals rather than others. Let's analyze the rock genre for a second.

Leather coats with studs on them and dark hair, the color black, an entourage of  nympho maniacs and a lot of angst. Yes, it's a scene, a safe space, something familiar that fuels the ego to feel safe enough to create anything from a look, to a relationship, to a riff on the guitar with the rock marketing identity to umbrella them. Who am I to judge? I'm just observing...

There were moments in time where I felt like I needed to play with rockers to be accepted by them. I worked with rock musicians, and experimented with that genre. However, it seemed to stress me out! Some people just fit right into ROCK like a glove on hand. Me, maybe it would take time for me to explore my inner rock goddess... hahaha!

So, I was putting my own stuff on hold for a while. But not until recently did I play a gig where I was so perfectly in tune with myself, and played my best as myself... That I realized how much my acceptance and expression of my individuality resonated with people. Perhaps I needed to learn that lesson before I committed completely to my art.


Creating is still in working progress
 ♡♡♡ Much love to you. Thanks for listening, friends ♡♡♡

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Straight Out of Compton

I was in a movie filmed last August 2014, yet to be released in August 2015, called  "Straight Out of Compton." I was the token white girl in the crowd singing along with a climactic scene anthem: " Fuck the Police" ...  

When waiting on the long extra line for the film, a group of black men kept pushing into me on line, telling me to "get the fuck out of the way" cause I didn't belong ... "You skinny white bitch shouldn't be here"... One physically assaulted me pushing me into a small corner by the entrance door. They were tired or waiting on line and had mistaken my soft demeanor as a way in.  When I tried to reason with them, and  let them know how irrational they were being, they would curse and try to intimidate me by standing really close to me, yelling in my face . I remember feeling so disappointed and disheartened that these people wouldn't let me be. They didn't have spiritual eyes, so how could they see me? They didn't know my mind, recognize how I feel about black culture, count my closest friends and see how dark they are... 

They didn't know I had recently undergone past life regression therapy to witness myself in another age- a black slave abused in every way possible... They didn't know the strength of my soul or my secrets- but yet, felt entitled to hurt me. I reported them to the director's helper, who had his pants practically down to his knees (a prison identity fashion) and he was just as rude to me as the group of blank men. A black police officer comforted me and apologized for the gang  (us-and-them) mentality that exists in the black community. He told the man who pushed me  and a couple of men from the group to leave the premises. 

Mom always knows when something is wrong..even though I live in Los Angeles and she lives in New York. Just when I snuck into the restroom of the crew holding area, with tears submerging my vision,  overwhelmed by the chaos, mommy called frantically asking me if I was okay. Mom always knows how to comfort me. She said she felt something was off and needed to call. Mom's voice lulled me to that inner peace I know so well. She's my human angel.

Being bullied is not easy. Perhaps I was triggered because my bully in elementary school was a black boy. Or maybe my soul is confused about it's identity. Or even more so, maybe the world is confused, because of it's cyclical pain and victim-mentality overload. 

When I was ready to come out of the bathroom a beautiful model-like black woman asked me if I was okay. I told her what happened. A group of black and Hispanic women circled  me in the bathroom and started to comfort me with words, expressing that they don't know why people are so mean- practicing the very racism that they feel victimized by. When we were in the concert area some girls who heard about the story would randomly come by and rub my back and tell me how strong I am. 

One guy who lingered on set from the group of bullies, moved by the amount of love I got from fellow actors, came over to me and apologized for his friend's behavior. 

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Kicked in the face

Lately I've had such an adrenaline rush. Trusting in the kindness of strangers on the road has left me a a bit burned... But it feeds the fire within me to rage through it. I've been slaving in the restaurant business, and they won't graduate me from the hostess position just yet because I seem to bring a lot of heads into the place. I went from being a psychologist making good money to being a restaurant slave. It is what it is. It's a lot of push for the money makers, and all they care about is my statistics. Got into a car crash, the guy who rear ended me at a yield sign called up my insurance company claiming he was my husband to cancel the tow truck. It's been one trip after another... From poison, to stalker, to weird musician masterbating in the room while I slept, to escaping Watts and then returning... It's been a trip of survival flavored by the bitter sexualized projection of lonely dark fellows. And each inch of it strips me a bit, smooths my once ego in a turbulent scheme so that what was once soft patches on my skin is consistantly hard and smooth. I was just staying on a drug counselor's couch. He was sweet at first but was resistant to connecting on a deeper level and it left me feeling lonely and thirsty... So apparently all of the situations in my life (a life I so freely flung myself into) have left me hungry for substance, truth, consistency, and love. This guy was super blissed out but ironically quite harsh when it came to me talking about pain. He started flashing new agey books at me like the "secret." Man, I've been through that magic, I know all about it... But I feel it tends to blame the victim, and he said I brought all the pain of the journey onto myself and I told him that the free will choices of bastards have created unbalance. It's realism rather than fantasy that brings me into the force. I didn't dream this realm up... It's a collaborative effort and yes earth has much darkness. I won't ignore it... It's reality... And somehow it effects me in a divine way... ----MUSIC... May my medicine bring the demons forward and may they forever be twisted upon the sound of sweet harmony propelling it; implosively expelling it each step of the way.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

When did music become a cock show?

When did music become a cock show?
I went to an open mic that I'm very familiar with in Glendale today. I know it's usually a sausage party there, in other words it's mostly men. But there was a nice group of young women at a table who did a fabulous job jammin' out with jembe and  guitar. What am I getting at?

 Well the first musician that ever existed was in 3500 B.C.E., her name was Enheduanna. She was a priestess. Her purpose was to open the heart of man and channel the divine wholeness of the creator. Music was ritualistically engrained with poetry and passion- A passion to relate to the spiritual health and love of community. Music was a tool of deep expression and relating- a way to move people's spirits.
When did it become an ego contest?

What did I witness at the open mic? I witnessed a handful of men comparing notes and fraternizing about how fast and how good they play notes. It sounded a lot of technical business to me, and it was stripped of spirit. They all praised each other but not one of the men went up to the women… myself included.

When did music become such a cock contest? When they were playing all this Merry Christmas lighthearted stuff, and the girls wanted me to play again… I warned the guys that my stuff is highly emotional. A couple of men snickered and they said "oh no, not that." Well, sorry to hit you in the head with this one… But an emotion is worth 1000 thoughts, and if I could move you with emotion then maybe your spirit will feel something. Did they feel something and still not offer collaboration. I put my heart and soul into that music, and it was glorious and I felt it's glory… But I'm not sure that they did. What a bummer, maybe if I played like Invar Mansteen and opened my legs wide bouncing up-and-down like I was gyrating an object… Maybe they would feel something… Maybe the closest that they could feel something is in their sexuality, and that's why they have cock contests.

There was one man who came up to me and asked for collaboration, but it seemed pretty superficial. He stopped mid conversation with me to fraternize with an old trumpet player. The trumpet player didn't give me much love at all, but the fact that he was playing so many notes and flopping his ego around like an unbridled cock, had everybody believe that he was good. But does ego equate with goodness? I left without giving my information to the guy who wanted it… Does he really deserve it anyway? I'm learning to find people who appreciate what I do and are on my level, the spirit level. There are so few who get it, but I'm playing for them. They are the gems in the rough.

If you're reading this, and you get what I'm saying, I'm sending you love. If you're reading this, and judging the situation against me, realize that you're probably part of the problem in the way people think. Live in spirit, the ego is just a shell and it's no fun anyway.

"You living in your ego is like living as a pig in your own filth. When you are immersed in the soul, it's like swimming in a comfy blanket. Though the guys were technically good, they had no soul. Jaclyn when you sing it's like you're bearing your big soul and letting it all pour out." - Alex Cortes

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Greatness is Proportional to Emotion

I realized after coming here (to LA), in pursuit of my musical career that there were a couple of blocks around my heart and my head. I wasn't sure why, as I was doing all the work necessary to increase my range and to become a better singer. What I didn't realize until I conversed with my two new musical roommates and musical landlord, was that I was thinking too much about the logistics of it all. What I need to activate, in order to transcend any blocks, is my deep emotion. The work is found in identifying, processing, and letting go of the emotion of a song. One emotion, after all, is worth a thousand thoughts. People who work on and through emotions, are able to work at a higher level than they would if they were just processing linear logistical streams. 

The irony of my dilemma is this: I used to be a psychologist before I decided to go down the artistic path. Although I was doing counseling work to create a safe place for other people to let go of and express their emotions, I had to maintain a strict objective stance. Now I need to tackle this professional habit in order to grow as a performer/artist. The work I must do is found in rhythm, sincerity, and most of all diligence even when the emotion feels that it is at a standstill.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

In many cases war and rape go hand and hand. Killing creation is equivalent to de-sanctifying the womb of the earth and the natural flow of life. If this darkness is such a weak force, why are people so threatened by it? The weak force only comes from weak minded individuals who must rob and pilfer in order to feel sustained.


The weak force is vampiric! Vampires believe they are righteous, justifying their behavior with their thirst. They glorify a history written by victors, unconscious of a legacy of vampiric addiction. In reality, the weak force beings are insufficient.  They must be if they need to coerce and hurt others in order to serve themselves. If they were truly powerful, they would be autonomous... but their need to usurp is defined by their weakness.

There are vast religions and governments that pay homage to the murder/rape of nature's beings. I reject religions that show any trace of this. I think the leaders of such causes are mental vamps. Even governments that promise to protect life parasitically bind themselves to the blood, sweat and tears of a working class' brow... in order to rise. They may attempt to control/limit vast possibilities, morph and mutate transcendental sacred archetypes found in the universe, and dumb the phenomenal expression of life down. When vampires twist the giving nature of life in order to exploit and drain Her before good time. Coercions and control of the masses by vampiric forces traumatize nature for that reason. Life is taken before it is ready to be taken. The weak force has not triumphed, it has only delayed life's beautiful manifestations.

Perhaps people are threatened by a weak force's ability to drain and they may feel nothing is really protecting them. The law of their religions may convince them to nurture the weak force, and so they are focused more on the weak force than they are on the beauty and mystery of life.

Honoring the womb of the earth and keeping creation sacred... lies in the protection of nature, upholding one's self against the predominant chaotic destructive forces, and honoring the nature in you, that made you. Life has one mysterious direction... most times She just wants to give and when She decides in her infinite wisdom, She will take. Only people who respect life can understand her signs and her lessons. If people don't respect her, they end up trying to control everything themselves (and we know what that leads to... weak energy flow)

So my message to all of you, and especially to myself... is this: don't let the bastards get you down! You are life manifest. You are a miracle. You don't have to submit to the weak force to prove you are better or righteous. Knowing your being is more powerful than any being who wants to take it, is the first step. They want you for a reason. You are precious. Guard your life with a strong positive field of life- conscious and life-filled beings.  Protect your life at all costs, and by no means succumb to the ways of energy vampires. They may want to take you down on ground level to grapple with a cause you don't need to struggle with. It's not your fight. Let the vampires fight with themselves until they surrender to life again. It's not you're battle so don't fight it.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Setting Goals~ December 15, 2013

My goal for the week was to play out at least twice and start recording. I played at two Jersey venues that have a really soft, inviting energy - Espresso Joe's (In Keyport) and Dragonfly Café (In Somerville). I did fulfill the live performance goal; however, I didn't record as often as I wanted to. I barely recorded a guitar track for "Darlin', Don't Fight Me." I am feeling the perfectionist bubbling within me. It can be a good thing, in terms of doing my best on my musical compilation CD.

I know that there are two sides to being my best. The first side involves vulnerability, or play. When I "play,"  I am not trying to control my energy or place it in a box so much, but to release into it with sincerity. The second side of it involves "the work" aspect of this life. Playing random venues is not enough. Working my talent to the point where I can feel satisfied with a recorded performance is my goal. The work process requires discipline, but not to the point where I shut down- as I often shut down artistically when I push too hard. It just merely requires that I stick to a schedule with myself and by myself so that I can grow in my art.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Society's effect on the artist... A Mess of Emotion due to Conditioning

I wish that I had something clear to say tonight, but I have a headache. So, rather than setting the bar high with technicality, I will level with you all in my sincerity. I have never been one to hold back with words, but for some reason I feel that they are not coming out as smoothly as I wish. It's as if my brain is a computer and it has a glitch. Still, I will attempt to write, because that is what one must do when she fears something. She must face it. So as I face the machine, I will write to it and against it simultaneously.

Ever feel like your brain is fixated on something so much, that it distorts the world around you? Well, I have been having a rebellious whim in noticing that people often fixate on things on a collective scale. In other words, they are in part conditioned and largely biologically drawn to focus on certain ideas... like fashion (beauty?), sex, food, money...success, etc. However, I don't think the fixations allow us to communicate on a higher spiritual level. It's almost as if we are chasing some abstract symbols in attempt to feel more grounded in our reality... but those very fixations leave us coming up short...emotionally. 

Perhaps feeling an ambiguity of emotions means that I don't have much clarity on what I feel about my own fixations. Right now my emotions are bound up in a wiry ball of electricity in my chest. I wish that I could face the things I am fixated on... and fix them. Perhaps my emotions wouldn't feel so enslaved if I freed myself with great tenderness and understanding about the true nature of my "being" rather than the stereotypes and the interactions that denounce it .

I have spent so much time being conditioned by the media... and indirectly by the media, when interacting with people who have rooted their sense of identity from the media. (It's not all of the media's fault, it is just a clearer picture of what ideas "sell" and in essence what the larger populous is willing to buy into. The media just exposes society's fixations...)Now, in order to understand the parts I am unaware of I have to defragment... and detach.

I have often looked to expressing my being with my music; still yet, communicating the wound up ball is near impossible. Freeing up the emotions is vital in understanding and communicating them.

I think I understand why so many great artists are drug addicts... it gives them the courage to disorient from the collective experience and connect with their higher more aware state of "being." I am willing and courageous enough to try it without the drugs. Hopefully, I can find it in my heart to forgive society for the mess it has made of me (in that it never really creates  the space for me to cultivate "me") and move forward with myself.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Chaotic... (yet stable).... Excuse me as I Ramble

The "should" way of life is derived from a general consensus' opinion and society's endless capacity to label. The "should" way takes timing into account, simplifies things, and disciplines us. The "should" way defines life as a game with right and wrong answers. As people obsess about answers, they become more controlling and collectively cloud my path.

The "Should" way of living is fallible because it denies "Chaos." (and by avoiding chaos, it somehow creates more.)

Friends, loved ones, and acquaintances who are confident in the attainment of my immediate goals, tend to forget how much I love chaos. Sometimes, when I see myself too clearly through the illusion of their eyes, I can forget how much I adore the mystery of it all. When their commands and suggestions overwhelm me with fear, I tend to ask: "What if the unfolding of the universe can only occur if chaos is present? What if the answers to life's questions are found in an infinite mystery?"

Why do I appreciate choas? Well...I am "okay" with chaos because:

Chaos (chance) births the overwhelming arousal that accompanies the wind of a new day as it slaps me in the face.

The vibrance of my individuality and the possibility of my free will dwell within brief moments of chaos (variability), before I decide what I choose.

Chaos paints the nuances of emotional intensity (irrationality) of my psyche and the rhythm of my emotional flow.  And provides the platform to create intrinsic interpretation. Chaos makes me vulnerable, sad, angry, excited, and hopeful.

Chaos (unpredictability) creates character traits like resiliency, humility, and compassion.

Chaos (randomness) make me imperfect and unique.

So how will I find my personal answers within the chaos of the mystery unveiled? By increasing the varied capacity and embracing the chaos. And, yeah... signs.

Signs, you ask? You know, those abstract external ones that send messages to my inner most being. Those synchronicities that bloom inside the dead of night like miracle messages... pointing like a compass to my path: to the sky, the ground, the ocean, my heart!

Instead of seeking signs in the abundant chaos around me, I have been narrowly listening to the guidance of others and we all know what happens when we count too much on others... (don't we?)

As much as I love chaos , to be continually in the state of appending decision, is not healthy. So, I claim a healthy balance! Chaos is an ephemeral state, and order, more stable... but, chaos should neither be ignored nor should it be looked down upon. It's not that bad: It is what you make it...

Here is my personal sense, do with it what you please. I will be open to trotting down eccentric paths, to deepen my understanding of life's mystery, while maintaining a stable enough mind for the choosing.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Week Of Solace and Snow

As I sit in the stillness, being tempted to move… knowing full well that I must ...It seems like the beginning of the sentence, but this is where I've been all week. I have been at the beginning. I have been plotting the web of songs as my emotions gather and fester inside me. It has been a rough couple of weeks, as I was in a brief whirlwind of a relationship… That left me craving honesty. 
Honesty with myself is about all of what I relish at this moment. Although I am not a pop singing sensation (nor do I think I want to be…), I do feel that this blogging regimen is helping me to grow. It is keeping me busy with my soul. If we are indeed in a realm of opposites, this moment makes most sense. It seems that from a place of extreme apathy and numbness, can come such abundant enthusiasm and fulfillment. Extreme opposites meet in song, for some reason. Song is my path… And with this path I present what I just created a couple of minutes ago. Pushing myself to express, with much resistance and lost hope.       


Here is a sound file of what I made today (TOTALLY ROUGH): 

So Cry a Teardrop in My Name

You sat in the middle of a venue I used to play
Longing for both me and a reason to break
Searching for a smooth skin to wrap yourself in
You know you wore mine thin

So cry a teardrop in my name
So lie with this girl; It's all the same
Cry me a tear, cry me a lake
Swim to your limits, swim till you sink

Will I sink to the bottom
While you kick me away
Become ash in your clouds
As you ignite a new flame
Passing your torch to all the women you claimed
Their sorrow collects on your face

So cry a teardrop in my name
So lie with this girl; It's all the same
Cry me a tear, cry me a lake
Swim to your limits, swim till you ache

Blame me for my closed doors
Wallow in your drinks
Kiss her and dismiss her
While you hurt me once again

So cry a teardrop in my name
So lie with this girl; It's all the same
Cry me a tear, cry me a lake
Swim to your limits, swim till you break

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Finding Resolution

This New Years, I proclaim to be dedicated to my sound. I met an artist recently, who has inspired me to pursue my expression a bit more adamantly and most importantly, to share my progress...

I am recording a live acoustic jam weekly as a vow to my expression.  Sharing my progress is a humble act. It is not meant to be listened to as a professional recording, but to be shared so that listeners can hear where I am at (emotionally, musically).

Since I have been focused on simplifying my complex reality, I wrote a song 20 minutes ago that with 3 chords to it. I strummed it clumsily, and sang it out. I made the words up as I went.

Here it is  :)

He's a bold light
A fighter with a suitcase
He's got electric eyes
And a puzzle in his mind
And if he finds the pieces
Line so perfectly to me
Will he place me in a dream
I ought to be in

It's been a while and a half
And it feels like a minute
Would he hold me back
If I let him win it
I think his smile is stupid
But I'd still like to see it

And if I yell too loud, will you keep on coming back to me
And if I break loose, will you pave the path to set me free
And if I lie next to you, will you break me in two?

He's a fine line, I'd like to cross it
When he gives me a mile
I'd take it and get lost in it
Toss my fingers to my boss
And punch my heart like keys
He wants to keep me silly

And if I yell too loud, will you keep on coming back to me
And if I break loose, will you pave the path to set me free
And if I lie next to you, would you dream for two?
Would you dream too?

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music