Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Lately I've had such an adrenaline rush. Trusting in the kindness of strangers on the road has left me a a bit burned... But it feeds the fire within me to rage through it. I've been slaving in the restaurant business, and they won't graduate me from the hostess position just yet because I seem to bring a lot of heads into the place. I went from being a psychologist making good money to being a restaurant slave. It is what it is. It's a lot of push for the money makers, and all they care about is my statistics. Got into a car crash, the guy who rear ended me at a yield sign called up my insurance company claiming he was my husband to cancel the tow truck. It's been one trip after another... From poison, to stalker, to weird musician masterbating in the room while I slept, to escaping Watts and then returning... It's been a trip of survival flavored by the bitter sexualized projection of lonely dark fellows. And each inch of it strips me a bit, smooths my once ego in a turbulent scheme so that what was once soft patches on my skin is consistantly hard and smooth. I was just staying on a drug counselor's couch. He was sweet at first but was resistant to connecting on a deeper level and it left me feeling lonely and thirsty... So apparently all of the situations in my life (a life I so freely flung myself into) have left me hungry for substance, truth, consistency, and love. This guy was super blissed out but ironically quite harsh when it came to me talking about pain. He started flashing new agey books at me like the "secret." Man, I've been through that magic, I know all about it... But I feel it tends to blame the victim, and he said I brought all the pain of the journey onto myself and I told him that the free will choices of bastards have created unbalance. It's realism rather than fantasy that brings me into the force. I didn't dream this realm up... It's a collaborative effort and yes earth has much darkness. I won't ignore it... It's reality... And somehow it effects me in a divine way... ----MUSIC... May my medicine bring the demons forward and may they forever be twisted upon the sound of sweet harmony propelling it; implosively expelling it each step of the way.