Saturday, December 26, 2015

A Piece of Us

I just finished watching a dramatic three hour long movie called "War and Peace." I enjoyed it thorougly (not only because Audrey Hepburn played a leading role, but...) because it hit home with me. The character of the poor man, shot in the heart for resting admidst the marching tides of falling men, resonated with me most. He said "where there are laws, there is injustice." He optimistically prayed throughout the movie, though his aparent fate fell to a scared soldier of the short but overpowering dictator Napolean. The poor man smiled and praised his murder lovingly, as if his own will called for it. His last words implored the soldier why he was so scared to fire his gun.

I wondered- if I were the one to enforce laws and inspire armies of men to advance in my name, where would I draw the line between war and peace? Napolean had so many choice points to create peace but at each turn he pushed for war, and in the end ... although he usurped Moscow, the scarce population of which he reigned didn't satisfy Napolean.

I know deep in my soul that I am a soldier in many ways. Perhaps it's related to energy I hold from past lifes. Though we fight with loyalty for what we love - family, land, nation, governing prinicipals- When is it a good time to fight to the death? Is it ever?

Historically the way rulers have dealt with standstill controversy is war. I think the dying poor man in the movie died richer than most -knowing no one died by his hand. In many cases on this warring planet, faith in the ideal of absolute love is the only weapon our hearts may need to find peace.


"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Imitation Artists

So I've been in LA for a little bit over a year now, and I've got a good sense of the scene.
There's so many different types of people. You have your leather jacket rockers with greasy black hair. You have your pumped up surfer DJs, rappers who take selfies and rock G's , model singers who hire songwriters to write for them, ect...

I tried to see where I would stand exactly amongst all of them, & I couldn't fit myself into any one box. There's been many instances where people have wanted me to write with them, and instead of using creative chords and unique progressions, they wanted to stick to the three chord formula. Nothing depresses me more than being forced to use a formula. If I chose to use the formula because I felt that I should... Then my feeling would dictate my use of the formula and I would be okay with that.

I don't feel like Music is feeling based anymore... It's become too logical. I feel that if people would communicate their feelings (a feeling is worth a thousand thoughts), higher communication would still be up and running. There's something pure about not fitting the mold.

They have not grown to know their inner self yet either. But it takes a child to grow up and learn herself/ himself to truly know that they are individual and that they have an individual self to celebrate.

A lot of people wake up and say I'm going to nurture my inner child. There is a whole stream of people who are doing it. I called them the New Agers. These people are extremely cautious about loving themselves. I get it. However, children don't know who they are yet! They just are. This is the beauty of children, they don't have to premeditate, they don't have to plan. When people want to ignite their inner child and allow them to play, they try to remember their aspirations as a child. But is that completely wise?
Most children don't know who they are yet and may wake up and say,  "I want to be so and so on TV." They want to live in the illusion and the glam of what they see,  but their awareness has not developed to see beyond the rose colored glasses.

So with that said, I think there are a lot of men-children and woman-children who don't know who they are yet- running around the streets pretending they are something else.

Whole genres and subcultures create an energy force field around people to feel safe. The symbols that are associated with that energy blow my mind. Perhaps the symbols resonate with some individuals rather than others. Let's analyze the rock genre for a second.

Leather coats with studs on them and dark hair, the color black, an entourage of  nympho maniacs and a lot of angst. Yes, it's a scene, a safe space, something familiar that fuels the ego to feel safe enough to create anything from a look, to a relationship, to a riff on the guitar with the rock marketing identity to umbrella them. Who am I to judge? I'm just observing...

There were moments in time where I felt like I needed to play with rockers to be accepted by them. I worked with rock musicians, and experimented with that genre. However, it seemed to stress me out! Some people just fit right into ROCK like a glove on hand. Me, maybe it would take time for me to explore my inner rock goddess... hahaha!

So, I was putting my own stuff on hold for a while. But not until recently did I play a gig where I was so perfectly in tune with myself, and played my best as myself... That I realized how much my acceptance and expression of my individuality resonated with people. Perhaps I needed to learn that lesson before I committed completely to my art.

Creating is still in working progress
 ♡♡♡ Much love to you. Thanks for listening, friends ♡♡♡


"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Straight Out of Compton

I was in a movie filmed last August 2014, yet to be released in August 2015, called  "Straight Out of Compton." I was the token white girl in the crowd singing along with a climactic scene anthem: " Fuck the Police" ...  

When waiting on the long extra line for the film, a group of black men kept pushing into me on line, telling me to "get the fuck out of the way" cause I didn't belong ... "You skinny white bitch shouldn't be here"... One physically assaulted me pushing me into a small corner by the entrance door. They were tired or waiting on line and had mistaken my soft demeanor as a way in.  When I tried to reason with them, and  let them know how irrational they were being, they would curse and try to intimidate me by standing really close to me, yelling in my face . I remember feeling so disappointed and disheartened that these people wouldn't let me be. They didn't have spiritual eyes, so how could they see me? They didn't know my mind, recognize how I feel about black culture, count my closest friends and see how dark they are... 

They didn't know I had recently undergone past life regression therapy to witness myself in another age- a black slave abused in every way possible... They didn't know the strength of my soul or my secrets- but yet, felt entitled to hurt me. I reported them to the director's helper, who had his pants practically down to his knees (a prison identity fashion) and he was just as rude to me as the group of blank men. A black police officer comforted me and apologized for the gang  (us-and-them) mentality that exists in the black community. He told the man who pushed me  and a couple of men from the group to leave the premises. 

Mom always knows when something is wrong..even though I live in Los Angeles and she lives in New York. Just when I snuck into the restroom of the crew holding area, with tears submerging my vision,  overwhelmed by the chaos, mommy called frantically asking me if I was okay. Mom always knows how to comfort me. She said she felt something was off and needed to call. Mom's voice lulled me to that inner peace I know so well. She's my human angel.

Being bullied is not easy. Perhaps I was triggered because my bully in elementary school was a black boy. Or maybe my soul is confused about it's identity. Or even more so, maybe the world is confused, because of it's cyclical pain and victim-mentality overload. 

When I was ready to come out of the bathroom a beautiful model-like black woman asked me if I was okay. I told her what happened. A group of black and Hispanic women circled  me in the bathroom and started to comfort me with words, expressing that they don't know why people are so mean- practicing the very racism that they feel victimized by. When we were in the concert area some girls who heard about the story would randomly come by and rub my back and tell me how strong I am. 

One guy who lingered on set from the group of bullies, moved by the amount of love I got from fellow actors, came over to me and apologized for his friend's behavior. 


"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Kicked in the face

Lately I've had such an adrenaline rush. Trusting in the kindness of strangers on the road has left me a a bit burned... But it feeds the fire within me to rage through it. I've been slaving in the restaurant business, and they won't graduate me from the hostess position just yet because I seem to bring a lot of heads into the place. I went from being a psychologist making good money to being a restaurant slave. It is what it is. It's a lot of push for the money makers, and all they care about is my statistics. Got into a car crash, the guy who rear ended me at a yield sign called up my insurance company claiming he was my husband to cancel the tow truck. It's been one trip after another... From poison, to stalker, to weird musician masterbating in the room while I slept, to escaping Watts and then returning... It's been a trip of survival flavored by the bitter sexualized projection of lonely dark fellows. And each inch of it strips me a bit, smooths my once ego in a turbulent scheme so that what was once soft patches on my skin is consistantly hard and smooth. I was just staying on a drug counselor's couch. He was sweet at first but was resistant to connecting on a deeper level and it left me feeling lonely and thirsty... So apparently all of the situations in my life (a life I so freely flung myself into) have left me hungry for substance, truth, consistency, and love. This guy was super blissed out but ironically quite harsh when it came to me talking about pain. He started flashing new agey books at me like the "secret." Man, I've been through that magic, I know all about it... But I feel it tends to blame the victim, and he said I brought all the pain of the journey onto myself and I told him that the free will choices of bastards have created unbalance. It's realism rather than fantasy that brings me into the force. I didn't dream this realm up... It's a collaborative effort and yes earth has much darkness. I won't ignore it... It's reality... And somehow it effects me in a divine way... ----MUSIC... May my medicine bring the demons forward and may they forever be twisted upon the sound of sweet harmony propelling it; implosively expelling it each step of the way.


"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music