Chaotic... (yet stable).... Excuse me as I Ramble

The "should" way of life is derived from a general consensus' opinion and society's endless capacity to label. The "should" way takes timing into account, simplifies things, and disciplines us. The "should" way defines life as a game with right and wrong answers. As people obsess about answers, they become more controlling and collectively cloud my path.

The "Should" way of living is fallible because it denies "Chaos." (and by avoiding chaos, it somehow creates more.)

Friends, loved ones, and acquaintances who are confident in the attainment of my immediate goals, tend to forget how much I love chaos. Sometimes, when I see myself too clearly through the illusion of their eyes, I can forget how much I adore the mystery of it all. When their commands and suggestions overwhelm me with fear, I tend to ask: "What if the unfolding of the universe can only occur if chaos is present? What if the answers to life's questions are found in an infinite mystery?"

Why do I appreciate choas? Well...I am "okay" with chaos because:

Chaos (chance) births the overwhelming arousal that accompanies the wind of a new day as it slaps me in the face.

The vibrance of my individuality and the possibility of my free will dwell within brief moments of chaos (variability), before I decide what I choose.

Chaos paints the nuances of emotional intensity (irrationality) of my psyche and the rhythm of my emotional flow.  And provides the platform to create intrinsic interpretation. Chaos makes me vulnerable, sad, angry, excited, and hopeful.

Chaos (unpredictability) creates character traits like resiliency, humility, and compassion.

Chaos (randomness) make me imperfect and unique.

So how will I find my personal answers within the chaos of the mystery unveiled? By increasing the varied capacity and embracing the chaos. And, yeah... signs.

Signs, you ask? You know, those abstract external ones that send messages to my inner most being. Those synchronicities that bloom inside the dead of night like miracle messages... pointing like a compass to my path: to the sky, the ground, the ocean, my heart!

Instead of seeking signs in the abundant chaos around me, I have been narrowly listening to the guidance of others and we all know what happens when we count too much on others... (don't we?)

As much as I love chaos , to be continually in the state of appending decision, is not healthy. So, I claim a healthy balance! Chaos is an ephemeral state, and order, more stable... but, chaos should neither be ignored nor should it be looked down upon. It's not that bad: It is what you make it...

Here is my personal sense, do with it what you please. I will be open to trotting down eccentric paths, to deepen my understanding of life's mystery, while maintaining a stable enough mind for the choosing.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Week Of Solace and Snow

As I sit in the stillness, being tempted to move… knowing full well that I must ...It seems like the beginning of the sentence, but this is where I've been all week. I have been at the beginning. I have been plotting the web of songs as my emotions gather and fester inside me. It has been a rough couple of weeks, as I was in a brief whirlwind of a relationship… That left me craving honesty. 
Honesty with myself is about all of what I relish at this moment. Although I am not a pop singing sensation (nor do I think I want to be…), I do feel that this blogging regimen is helping me to grow. It is keeping me busy with my soul. If we are indeed in a realm of opposites, this moment makes most sense. It seems that from a place of extreme apathy and numbness, can come such abundant enthusiasm and fulfillment. Extreme opposites meet in song, for some reason. Song is my path… And with this path I present what I just created a couple of minutes ago. Pushing myself to express, with much resistance and lost hope.       


Here is a sound file of what I made today (TOTALLY ROUGH): 

So Cry a Teardrop in My Name

You sat in the middle of a venue I used to play
Longing for both me and a reason to break
Searching for a smooth skin to wrap yourself in
You know you wore mine thin

So cry a teardrop in my name
So lie with this girl; It's all the same
Cry me a tear, cry me a lake
Swim to your limits, swim till you sink

Will I sink to the bottom
While you kick me away
Become ash in your clouds
As you ignite a new flame
Passing your torch to all the women you claimed
Their sorrow collects on your face

So cry a teardrop in my name
So lie with this girl; It's all the same
Cry me a tear, cry me a lake
Swim to your limits, swim till you ache

Blame me for my closed doors
Wallow in your drinks
Kiss her and dismiss her
While you hurt me once again

So cry a teardrop in my name
So lie with this girl; It's all the same
Cry me a tear, cry me a lake
Swim to your limits, swim till you break

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Finding Resolution

This New Years, I proclaim to be dedicated to my sound. I met an artist recently, who has inspired me to pursue my expression a bit more adamantly and most importantly, to share my progress...

I am recording a live acoustic jam weekly as a vow to my expression.  Sharing my progress is a humble act. It is not meant to be listened to as a professional recording, but to be shared so that listeners can hear where I am at (emotionally, musically).

Since I have been focused on simplifying my complex reality, I wrote a song 20 minutes ago that with 3 chords to it. I strummed it clumsily, and sang it out. I made the words up as I went.

Here it is  :)

He's a bold light
A fighter with a suitcase
He's got electric eyes
And a puzzle in his mind
And if he finds the pieces
Line so perfectly to me
Will he place me in a dream
I ought to be in

It's been a while and a half
And it feels like a minute
Would he hold me back
If I let him win it
I think his smile is stupid
But I'd still like to see it

And if I yell too loud, will you keep on coming back to me
And if I break loose, will you pave the path to set me free
And if I lie next to you, will you break me in two?

He's a fine line, I'd like to cross it
When he gives me a mile
I'd take it and get lost in it
Toss my fingers to my boss
And punch my heart like keys
He wants to keep me silly

And if I yell too loud, will you keep on coming back to me
And if I break loose, will you pave the path to set me free
And if I lie next to you, would you dream for two?
Would you dream too?

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Bubble Bath Meditation for 12-21-12

After a long day of tackling my own thoughts, and making sense of the thoughts around me... nicely laid out in sentences, with confused smiles and bright teary eyes, I felt my confusion rise... and could think of nothing else but water.

Yes, this run-on sentence I began with, was symbolic of my mind: Constantly running with no where to rest. So I let the water steam down into the bathtub... and poured purifying soaps and scents.

Once I stripped myself of the clothes that clung as tightly to me as the residual past, I freed some mental bounds. They were metaphorical for the guises my mind can take. The water fills... reaching into the crevices of the container. 

This was the way water moved: in one motion, but without restriction... free to connect and cohere within currents. 

Blank, went my mind. There was nothing more beautiful or profound than this moment. Within reflexive action... I dried one hand and grabbed for my phone. It was coming. 

I pressed record, and like a swollen bladder, out came my chatter (in song). 

Chanting, and praising, erasing the world of the past. 

One day at a time... 

Here is a link to my chant if you are interested in bringing in the "New World" with my song in mind. 

Love to you and yours. 

~ Jaclyn 

Living a Life Of Inspiration

by: Jaclyn Shaw
Blocked energy and bouts of negativity can have crippling effects or at the very least lead to feelings of uneasiness and panic. Thanks to Source (my personal word for God), I have been successful at unblocking by dedicating myself to some activities that exhibit reverence for life.

What does that mean? Well, I came up with my own list of 20 ways to connect with Life Force (Source) and feel infinitely inspired and empowered because of it. When I do these things, I keep in mind why I am doing them.
With a strong intentionality, I practice the following at my own pace. Hope you enjoy my suggestions! Here goes:
1. Eating holistic organic food. (Honoring Body)
2. Drinking 7 glasses of water a day. This intake varies according to weight. Calculate your proper intake using this water calculator (Honoring Body)
3. 45 minutes of stretching/cardiac/ lifting exercise (Honoring Body)
4. Getting proper sleep (7-8 hrs) (Honoring Mind, Body, Emotions)
5. 1 hour of meditation (Honoring Mind, Body, Emotions, and Spirit)
6. Morning Pages - Writing down  3 pages full of subconscious dreams and thoughts as soon as I awake. (Honoring Mind, Emotions)
7. Spend time with children and reconnect with your inner child (Honoring Relationships/ Emotions)
8. Write a list of 10 people, places or things you are grateful for and why (Honoring Relationships)
9. Call, or write a letter to an old friend/ new friend (Honoring Relationships)
10. Go on a mystery date with yourself... take yourself to a place you've never been that excites and stimulates your senses (Honoring your Experience)
11. Plan trip to a place you have never experienced before (Honoring your Experience)
12. Writing Music  (Honoring Creativity)
13. Sketching/Drawing/ Painting (Honoring Creativity)
14. Free form prose writing (Honoring Creativity)
15. Write a list of 5 things that made you giggle today (Honoring Emotions)
16. Read a book about something you've never explored (Honoring Intelligence)
17.  Creating a "Career Focused To Do" list and sticking to it (Honoring Potential to Succeed)
18. Spend time with animals (Honoring Nature)
19. Long walks in nature (Honoring Nature)
20. Pray: Thanking Source for the food, clothing, shelter, good luck, good relationships, etc. (Honoring Nature/ Connecting to Higher Intelligence)

People Live Their Lives For Me On TV

by Jaclyn Shaw

When I recount the most influential songwriters of my teenage years, I think of the angelic soulful Jewel. She was beautiful, and strong willed, yet graceful. She wasn't some pervert trying to minimize my feelings... she was honest. She had a message of vulnerability for her listeners and she most unabashedly led me to the pent up emotions of my youth.

One song loops in my mind today, as I struggled to unstick my hypnotized eyes from the addictive 90210 series on the boob tube. Who will save my soul?

It's funny how songs pop up from our subconscious to remind us of what is important. When I really want to check in with my feelings about an experience, I quietly wait in stillness till I hear the incessant record player in my mind. The song that pops up usually gives me the best advice about that moment. It's magical... it really is.

As I write this, I remember the first time I discovered that people enjoyed my voice. I was at a block party with a friend, Kristen, in grammar school. She had invited my 8th grade class, with all it's personality and darkness to her neighborhood event. Amidst a population of school kids who would often leave me feeling anxious, I felt a calm as I entered a crowd of karaoke singers. Amongst that group, I recall a school bully who make a habit of making fun of female vocalists (and women in general). Before summer let out, he mocked a boy who had a Jewel CD in his backpack.

I remember the freshness and breeziness of that day. It was as if my body was on autopilot, and all my worries were being lifted and soothed by air. School had let out, and in my mind I thought, I may never see these people again. I just wanted to sing.

"Who will Save Your Soul?," was the song they handed me the microphone for. I focused on the words, and meant them. I could feel the energy of the crowd rising, just as much as the energy rose inside of me. But, I didn't want to admit it. Kristen leaned in, smiling and wide eyed, after my performance and encouraged me, saying how good my voice was.

Today, I am reminded of that glimpse of hope and enthusiasm. When people seemed to be living their lives, I would sit back and watch. I would analyze. I would judge. Lately, as analytical and pragmatic as my intelligence is, I have been craving that honesty. It seems that whatever struggle I have internalized from that grammar school experience is still present. Am I the critic or the artist? Am I the one who feels or the one who numbs?

What of the listener? Yes, it is good to be inspired. But how long must one be inspired before taking a leap into the unknown? Because what has inspired us is no use if it does not stir our souls to action... we are the keepers and dispensers of our truth.

Truth is soulless without those feelings. This day forward, I vow to get rekindle and untangle the most complex of those feelings. For the sake of my art, my soul, and my progress as a communicator.

Youth Obsession

by Jaclyn Shaw

Youth is the Tabula Rosa. Youth, often symbolized by smiling plump faces, bright eyes, and bouncy healthy bodies, are visuals that I often associate with new beginnings. It is youth, of course, where we begin learning our beliefs and shaping our identities. Within the fair flesh of these beings are the rudiments of exploration: hungry minds that starve for knowledge, playful fearlessness, and resiliency. Their heavy feet, expressive bodies, and shameless countenance can often remind us of our own potential. They are such beautiful “BEINGS!” Of course, new beginnings, though associated with, are not exclusively reserved for the young. This idea of the beginning, is constantly presenting itself to us, now and into our late adulthood. Changes, adjustments, and movements need to be made to balance ourselves with the rest of the world, and even more so, with our own vision of progress. Yes, a mysterious hand (beyond hormonal highs and libido) rears an energetic youth but this does not deny the power of the aged. The aged BECOME what they learn, a great metamorphic skill, if their learning is continuous. The youth is a mere emblem for the inner child we hold as we birth new moments. Age and wisdom guide us as we select what we yearn to nurture and fulfill. This being said, I often glorify the youth as they represent a readiness to embrace change BUT the aged and experienced catalyze those changes… and for this I am grateful as well….Just Some Banter….