The Irony of People Pleasers

by Jaclyn Shaw
MY dream is not YOUR dream, and YOURS will never be MINE! Our unique visions stand in isolation, and are all imprinted in our minds as dissimilar as fingerprints. I can neither completely conceive of your dream nor your past experiences, feelings, and latent desires associated with it. I can only guess at it with assumed approximation… We have more control over ourselves than we ever would over someone else, let alone their vision! So why waste time living through other people? 

I've done it. I have tried to make a shinning armor out of someone else's dust. I am guilty of putting people on schedules to plot out their lives, to motivate them, and inspire them... but what for? I recently asked myself this question to get to the root of my "SELFLESS" actions. After much ruminating and analysis, the answer I concluded is “empowerment.” I help others because it empowers me? This is ironic. How can I empower myself by plotting and planning the goals of someone else’s assumed potential? 

I have an older, wiser friend who is a “common sense” genius. She said that after spending a life-time of helping others, and putting others before herself, she is filled with resentment. Why did she finance her girlfriends through college, buy people cars, work endless hours for hand out money… to her own demise? 

Before she was famous, a local artist gave me a dirty look after I complimented her performance at a local hole in the wall. I remember the shiver that ran through me. Why is she performing, if she doesn’t like reaching people? Or furthermore, why is she performing is she doesn’t like people? Or even more specifically, why doesn’t she like me? At that point, I knew how important it was to be polite, because you never know how much you can let someone down with words, or in her case, looks. 

Like God, “What people think?” is a mystery. Unless they tell you with words, you can’t know what objects and abstract concepts have been playing in their minds. We can try to please them, like trying to please some invisible ghost. I think we should treat them with respect and invest minimal energy in trying to control them. 

People pleasers end up becoming doormats: an object for the needy and the lowest common denominator of service. After all, people need a place to wipe their feet when they come off the street. Doormats get dirty and crusty quick, despite their elaborate welcoming design and warm energy. 

Why please people at all? For a stroke of the ego? For a buck? For a minute… until some raw association comes up for them, and THEY decide I are no longer of service to them? 

I conclude my ramble with this… yeah, it is of good morale to be respectful to people, but never at the expense of my self-respect. Though people know not what they do, because they are inherently ignorant of their impact on others, it is not our personal responsibility to enlighten each and every one of them. That is their responsibility, according to their unique grids of potential.