Straight Out of Compton

I was in a movie filmed last August 2014, yet to be released in August 2015, called  "Straight Out of Compton." I was the token white girl in the crowd singing along with a climactic scene anthem: " Fuck the Police" ...  

When waiting on the long extra line for the film, a group of black men kept pushing into me on line, telling me to "get the fuck out of the way" cause I didn't belong ... "You skinny white bitch shouldn't be here"... One physically assaulted me pushing me into a small corner by the entrance door. They were tired or waiting on line and had mistaken my soft demeanor as a way in.  When I tried to reason with them, and  let them know how irrational they were being, they would curse and try to intimidate me by standing really close to me, yelling in my face . I remember feeling so disappointed and disheartened that these people wouldn't let me be. They didn't have spiritual eyes, so how could they see me? They didn't know my mind, recognize how I feel about black culture, count my closest friends and see how dark they are... 

They didn't know I had recently undergone past life regression therapy to witness myself in another age- a black slave abused in every way possible... They didn't know the strength of my soul or my secrets- but yet, felt entitled to hurt me. I reported them to the director's helper, who had his pants practically down to his knees (a prison identity fashion) and he was just as rude to me as the group of blank men. A black police officer comforted me and apologized for the gang  (us-and-them) mentality that exists in the black community. He told the man who pushed me  and a couple of men from the group to leave the premises. 

Mom always knows when something is wrong..even though I live in Los Angeles and she lives in New York. Just when I snuck into the restroom of the crew holding area, with tears submerging my vision,  overwhelmed by the chaos, mommy called frantically asking me if I was okay. Mom always knows how to comfort me. She said she felt something was off and needed to call. Mom's voice lulled me to that inner peace I know so well. She's my human angel.

Being bullied is not easy. Perhaps I was triggered because my bully in elementary school was a black boy. Or maybe my soul is confused about it's identity. Or even more so, maybe the world is confused, because of it's cyclical pain and victim-mentality overload. 

When I was ready to come out of the bathroom a beautiful model-like black woman asked me if I was okay. I told her what happened. A group of black and Hispanic women circled  me in the bathroom and started to comfort me with words, expressing that they don't know why people are so mean- practicing the very racism that they feel victimized by. When we were in the concert area some girls who heard about the story would randomly come by and rub my back and tell me how strong I am. 

One guy who lingered on set from the group of bullies, moved by the amount of love I got from fellow actors, came over to me and apologized for his friend's behavior. 

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Kicked in the face

Lately I've had such an adrenaline rush. Trusting in the kindness of strangers on the road has left me a a bit burned... But it feeds the fire within me to rage through it. I've been slaving in the restaurant business, and they won't graduate me from the hostess position just yet because I seem to bring a lot of heads into the place. I went from being a psychologist making good money to being a restaurant slave. It is what it is. It's a lot of push for the money makers, and all they care about is my statistics. Got into a car crash, the guy who rear ended me at a yield sign called up my insurance company claiming he was my husband to cancel the tow truck. It's been one trip after another... From poison, to stalker, to weird musician masterbating in the room while I slept, to escaping Watts and then returning... It's been a trip of survival flavored by the bitter sexualized projection of lonely dark fellows. And each inch of it strips me a bit, smooths my once ego in a turbulent scheme so that what was once soft patches on my skin is consistantly hard and smooth. I was just staying on a drug counselor's couch. He was sweet at first but was resistant to connecting on a deeper level and it left me feeling lonely and thirsty... So apparently all of the situations in my life (a life I so freely flung myself into) have left me hungry for substance, truth, consistency, and love. This guy was super blissed out but ironically quite harsh when it came to me talking about pain. He started flashing new agey books at me like the "secret." Man, I've been through that magic, I know all about it... But I feel it tends to blame the victim, and he said I brought all the pain of the journey onto myself and I told him that the free will choices of bastards have created unbalance. It's realism rather than fantasy that brings me into the force. I didn't dream this realm up... It's a collaborative effort and yes earth has much darkness. I won't ignore it... It's reality... And somehow it effects me in a divine way... ----MUSIC... May my medicine bring the demons forward and may they forever be twisted upon the sound of sweet harmony propelling it; implosively expelling it each step of the way.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

When did music become a cock show?

When did music become a cock show?
I went to an open mic that I'm very familiar with in Glendale today. I know it's usually a sausage party there, in other words it's mostly men. But there was a nice group of young women at a table who did a fabulous job jammin' out with jembe and  guitar. What am I getting at?

 Well the first musician that ever existed was in 3500 B.C.E., her name was Enheduanna. She was a priestess. Her purpose was to open the heart of man and channel the divine wholeness of the creator. Music was ritualistically engrained with poetry and passion- A passion to relate to the spiritual health and love of community. Music was a tool of deep expression and relating- a way to move people's spirits.
When did it become an ego contest?

What did I witness at the open mic? I witnessed a handful of men comparing notes and fraternizing about how fast and how good they play notes. It sounded a lot of technical business to me, and it was stripped of spirit. They all praised each other but not one of the men went up to the women… myself included.

When did music become such a cock contest? When they were playing all this Merry Christmas lighthearted stuff, and the girls wanted me to play again… I warned the guys that my stuff is highly emotional. A couple of men snickered and they said "oh no, not that." Well, sorry to hit you in the head with this one… But an emotion is worth 1000 thoughts, and if I could move you with emotion then maybe your spirit will feel something. Did they feel something and still not offer collaboration. I put my heart and soul into that music, and it was glorious and I felt it's glory… But I'm not sure that they did. What a bummer, maybe if I played like Invar Mansteen and opened my legs wide bouncing up-and-down like I was gyrating an object… Maybe they would feel something… Maybe the closest that they could feel something is in their sexuality, and that's why they have cock contests.

There was one man who came up to me and asked for collaboration, but it seemed pretty superficial. He stopped mid conversation with me to fraternize with an old trumpet player. The trumpet player didn't give me much love at all, but the fact that he was playing so many notes and flopping his ego around like an unbridled cock, had everybody believe that he was good. But does ego equate with goodness? I left without giving my information to the guy who wanted it… Does he really deserve it anyway? I'm learning to find people who appreciate what I do and are on my level, the spirit level. There are so few who get it, but I'm playing for them. They are the gems in the rough.

If you're reading this, and you get what I'm saying, I'm sending you love. If you're reading this, and judging the situation against me, realize that you're probably part of the problem in the way people think. Live in spirit, the ego is just a shell and it's no fun anyway.

"You living in your ego is like living as a pig in your own filth. When you are immersed in the soul, it's like swimming in a comfy blanket. Though the guys were technically good, they had no soul. Jaclyn when you sing it's like you're bearing your big soul and letting it all pour out." - Alex Cortes

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Greatness is Proportional to Emotion

I realized after coming here (to LA), in pursuit of my musical career that there were a couple of blocks around my heart and my head. I wasn't sure why, as I was doing all the work necessary to increase my range and to become a better singer. What I didn't realize until I conversed with my two new musical roommates and musical landlord, was that I was thinking too much about the logistics of it all. What I need to activate, in order to transcend any blocks, is my deep emotion. The work is found in identifying, processing, and letting go of the emotion of a song. One emotion, after all, is worth a thousand thoughts. People who work on and through emotions, are able to work at a higher level than they would if they were just processing linear logistical streams. 

The irony of my dilemma is this: I used to be a psychologist before I decided to go down the artistic path. Although I was doing counseling work to create a safe place for other people to let go of and express their emotions, I had to maintain a strict objective stance. Now I need to tackle this professional habit in order to grow as a performer/artist. The work I must do is found in rhythm, sincerity, and most of all diligence even when the emotion feels that it is at a standstill.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

In many cases war and rape go hand and hand. Killing creation is equivalent to de-sanctifying the womb of the earth and the natural flow of life. If this darkness is such a weak force, why are people so threatened by it? The weak force only comes from weak minded individuals who must rob and pilfer in order to feel sustained.


The weak force is vampiric! Vampires believe they are righteous, justifying their behavior with their thirst. They glorify a history written by victors, unconscious of a legacy of vampiric addiction. In reality, the weak force beings are insufficient.  They must be if they need to coerce and hurt others in order to serve themselves. If they were truly powerful, they would be autonomous... but their need to usurp is defined by their weakness.

There are vast religions and governments that pay homage to the murder/rape of nature's beings. I reject religions that show any trace of this. I think the leaders of such causes are mental vamps. Even governments that promise to protect life parasitically bind themselves to the blood, sweat and tears of a working class' brow... in order to rise. They may attempt to control/limit vast possibilities, morph and mutate transcendental sacred archetypes found in the universe, and dumb the phenomenal expression of life down. When vampires twist the giving nature of life in order to exploit and drain Her before good time. Coercions and control of the masses by vampiric forces traumatize nature for that reason. Life is taken before it is ready to be taken. The weak force has not triumphed, it has only delayed life's beautiful manifestations.

Perhaps people are threatened by a weak force's ability to drain and they may feel nothing is really protecting them. The law of their religions may convince them to nurture the weak force, and so they are focused more on the weak force than they are on the beauty and mystery of life.

Honoring the womb of the earth and keeping creation sacred... lies in the protection of nature, upholding one's self against the predominant chaotic destructive forces, and honoring the nature in you, that made you. Life has one mysterious direction... most times She just wants to give and when She decides in her infinite wisdom, She will take. Only people who respect life can understand her signs and her lessons. If people don't respect her, they end up trying to control everything themselves (and we know what that leads to... weak energy flow)

So my message to all of you, and especially to myself... is this: don't let the bastards get you down! You are life manifest. You are a miracle. You don't have to submit to the weak force to prove you are better or righteous. Knowing your being is more powerful than any being who wants to take it, is the first step. They want you for a reason. You are precious. Guard your life with a strong positive field of life- conscious and life-filled beings.  Protect your life at all costs, and by no means succumb to the ways of energy vampires. They may want to take you down on ground level to grapple with a cause you don't need to struggle with. It's not your fight. Let the vampires fight with themselves until they surrender to life again. It's not you're battle so don't fight it.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Setting Goals~ December 15, 2013

My goal for the week was to play out at least twice and start recording. I played at two Jersey venues that have a really soft, inviting energy - Espresso Joe's (In Keyport) and Dragonfly Café (In Somerville). I did fulfill the live performance goal; however, I didn't record as often as I wanted to. I barely recorded a guitar track for "Darlin', Don't Fight Me." I am feeling the perfectionist bubbling within me. It can be a good thing, in terms of doing my best on my musical compilation CD.

I know that there are two sides to being my best. The first side involves vulnerability, or play. When I "play,"  I am not trying to control my energy or place it in a box so much, but to release into it with sincerity. The second side of it involves "the work" aspect of this life. Playing random venues is not enough. Working my talent to the point where I can feel satisfied with a recorded performance is my goal. The work process requires discipline, but not to the point where I shut down- as I often shut down artistically when I push too hard. It just merely requires that I stick to a schedule with myself and by myself so that I can grow in my art.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music

Society's effect on the artist... A Mess of Emotion due to Conditioning

I wish that I had something clear to say tonight, but I have a headache. So, rather than setting the bar high with technicality, I will level with you all in my sincerity. I have never been one to hold back with words, but for some reason I feel that they are not coming out as smoothly as I wish. It's as if my brain is a computer and it has a glitch. Still, I will attempt to write, because that is what one must do when she fears something. She must face it. So as I face the machine, I will write to it and against it simultaneously.

Ever feel like your brain is fixated on something so much, that it distorts the world around you? Well, I have been having a rebellious whim in noticing that people often fixate on things on a collective scale. In other words, they are in part conditioned and largely biologically drawn to focus on certain ideas... like fashion (beauty?), sex, food, money...success, etc. However, I don't think the fixations allow us to communicate on a higher spiritual level. It's almost as if we are chasing some abstract symbols in attempt to feel more grounded in our reality... but those very fixations leave us coming up short...emotionally. 

Perhaps feeling an ambiguity of emotions means that I don't have much clarity on what I feel about my own fixations. Right now my emotions are bound up in a wiry ball of electricity in my chest. I wish that I could face the things I am fixated on... and fix them. Perhaps my emotions wouldn't feel so enslaved if I freed myself with great tenderness and understanding about the true nature of my "being" rather than the stereotypes and the interactions that denounce it .

I have spent so much time being conditioned by the media... and indirectly by the media, when interacting with people who have rooted their sense of identity from the media. (It's not all of the media's fault, it is just a clearer picture of what ideas "sell" and in essence what the larger populous is willing to buy into. The media just exposes society's fixations...)Now, in order to understand the parts I am unaware of I have to defragment... and detach.

I have often looked to expressing my being with my music; still yet, communicating the wound up ball is near impossible. Freeing up the emotions is vital in understanding and communicating them.

I think I understand why so many great artists are drug addicts... it gives them the courage to disorient from the collective experience and connect with their higher more aware state of "being." I am willing and courageous enough to try it without the drugs. Hopefully, I can find it in my heart to forgive society for the mess it has made of me (in that it never really creates  the space for me to cultivate "me") and move forward with myself.

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"As sCaRed, as sillY, as joyous, as shameless, as VIBRANT, as DARK, as YOU can BE! Let it pour through you RESPECTFULLY, in the name of PEACE. We uphold TRUTH! To life a life as COLORFUL as you!" - Jaclyn Shaw ("Live Your Art" Movement)

Are you LiSteNinG??  Jaclyn Shaw's Music